Watching my world crumble before my eyes

I think this is how lots of people with a chronic illness would feel. I can’t imagine what people with terminal illnesses go through. This is bad enough. I totally missed one of my best friends sons’ 4th birthday party tonight because I was sick and struggling through work I couldn’t put off and only realized at 9:30pm that I was supposed to be there at 5:00pm. They were going to wait for us to cut the cake. This is not the sort of shit I would forget but my mind is so foggy and one track that because it wasn’t in my calendar it wasn’t on my daily agenda. I’ve been in bed for 3 days then had to lug myself through a hard slog against my whole body willing me not to. I’m at a loss as to what to decide and what to do. How to change my life so it’s easier longer term. It feels like it means giving up my career and business I’ve worked so hard to build up. And now it’s taking off and I feel like I’m trailing at the end of it running to catch up rather than leading the ship. I wish I had remembered and been there to wish him a Happy Birthday. It’s like today is the first day I’ve realized I’m sick and I’m never going to not be sick again. Cry myself to sleep night.

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